So those of you who don’t know me personally, probably have no clue that a) I’m married, and b) my husband and I met years ago in my homeland of Bosnia & Herzegovina, and c) we spent a huge portion of our relationship long-distance.
Long story short, Ned happens to be from my dads hometown, a small town in the Herzegovina side of Bosnia. We originally met in 2010, which also happened to be my first time going back home since we moved to Canada in ’95. We briefly dated in the summer of 2011, and didn’t speak again until late 2013! Two years later we were married (it’s our 3rd wedding anniversary this month actually), but due to an insanely detailed and long-wait for permanent resident papers, we spent most of our relationship (and the first year of our marriage) staring at each other through a screen.
Long distance relationships are ridiculously hard. I always say that if a couple can get through being apart for long periods of time, they can get through anything. I’m sure some of you may be going through this yourselves, so I thought I’d write about a few tips that I wish someone had told me when I was dealing with it myself!
- Stay positive. Whether you’re waiting on PR papers, green cards or your partner to come back from a long-ass soul-searching vacation…stay positive. Know that everything will be okay in the end & that even though you’re hella missing them, it’s only a matter of time you’ll be reunited.
- Make time for each other. There’s nothing worse than living on another continent away from your loved one and feeling like they don’t have time for you. Yes, we all work and have friends and hobbies and work out (cough*maybe not all of us) but it’s important to make your partner feel like they’re a priority, especially when you can’t see them in person. I don’t like making ‘schedules’ to talk and we never really did, but we did know which days & times the other would most likely be free so we would use that time wisely. And sometimes we’d have hectic weeks, but we would still give each other a quick call on work breaks or on our way home!
- Don’t be TOO clingy. While it’s important to make time to communicate, it’s also important that you’re not constantly on your phone with each other, ignoring everything else around you. A) It’s not healthy, and B) you’ll drive each other nuts. It’s a given. Make sure you give each other time and space away from the phone, whether you go out with your friends or simply want to binge on Netflix without the constant vibrating from your iPhone, you’ll thank me later.
- TRUST. Trust is the NUMBER ONE priority in any relationship, but for long-distance it’s even more important. If your spouse lives in a country you’ve never been to, especially if it’s culturally different from theirs, it can play with your mind a bit. Keep it cool fam, no one likes feeling like their partner doesn’t trust them. I always say if you can’t trust someone to be faithful, you shouldn’t be with them in the first place. So if they’re not giving you a valid reason to think something shady is happening, do yourself (and your partner) a favor and don’t invent it in your mind either.
If you’re in a similar situation, I hope you find these tips useful! Know that as someone who’s been through it all, I’m always open for a chat if you need someone to rant/talk/cry to in this (or any) situation! If you know me, well you have my number, if you don’t, my instagram DMs are always open!